Michael Bungay Stanier's 'The Coaching Habit'

"The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier is a book about becoming a better coach. Coaching means helping people grow, learn, and solve problems on their own. Many people think coaching is only for managers, but anyone can be a coach. The goal of this book is to help people talk less and listen more. By asking good questions, we can help others find their own answers.

The book introduces seven important questions. These questions help us be better listeners and ask the right things at the right time. When we ask these questions, people feel heard, respected, and motivated to find solutions. In this summary, we’ll explore each question and how it helps us become a better coach.

Chapter 1: Building a Coaching Habit

In the beginning, Bungay Stanier explains what it means to have a "coaching habit." A habit is something we do regularly without thinking much about it. To build a coaching habit, we must learn to ask questions instead of giving answers. When we give answers too quickly, we stop people from thinking for themselves. However, when we ask questions, we allow them to find their own solutions.

This book’s goal is to help us make coaching a natural part of our conversations. Coaching helps people think, grow, and make better decisions. To start, we need to practice asking questions every day.

Chapter 2: The Kickstart Question – "What’s on Your Mind?"

The first question is, “What’s on your mind?” This is called the Kickstart Question. It’s a good way to start a conversation. By asking this, we show that we are interested in what the person is thinking about.

When we ask, "What’s on your mind?" it opens the conversation. The person can share what is important to them. This question helps us start talking about real issues, not just small talk. It allows people to share their thoughts, worries, or goals.

Chapter 3: The AWE Question – "And What Else?"

The second question is, “And what else?” This is called the AWE Question. Sometimes, people need time to think about their answers. When we ask, “And what else?” we give them a chance to say more.

This question is helpful because it encourages people to keep talking. Often, the first answer is not the full answer. By asking this question, we learn more, and the person may think deeper about the issue. This helps them find more ideas and possible solutions.

Chapter 4: The Focus Question – "What’s the Real Challenge Here for You?"

The third question is, “What’s the real challenge here for you?” This is called the Focus Question. Sometimes, people have many problems, but not all of them are important. This question helps them focus on the main issue.

When we ask this question, we help the person think about their real problem. It stops them from getting lost in details. This way, they can focus on solving the most important challenge, not just small issues. This question also makes the person take responsibility for finding their own solution.

Chapter 5: The Foundation Question – "What Do You Want?"

The fourth question is, “What do you want?” This is called the Foundation Question. Often, people are not clear about what they really want. This question helps them think about their true needs and goals.

When we ask, “What do you want?” we encourage the person to be honest. They may realize that their goals are different from what they thought. This question helps them understand what they really need and helps us understand how we can support them.

Chapter 6: The Lazy Question – "How Can I Help?"

The fifth question is, “How can I help?” This is called the Lazy Question. Sometimes, we want to help too much. We jump in and give advice before asking what the person actually needs.

When we ask, “How can I help?” we avoid doing too much or too little. It shows respect for the person’s needs. This question also helps them ask for the kind of help they want. By asking this, we avoid guessing or assuming what they need. This makes our help more useful and meaningful.

Chapter 7: The Strategic Question – "If You Say Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To?"

The sixth question is, “If you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?” This is called the Strategic Question. This question helps people think about their choices. Saying yes to one thing often means saying no to something else.

When we ask this question, it helps people make better decisions. They start to see the cost of their choices. This question helps them be careful with their time and energy. It reminds them that they cannot do everything. This way, they focus on what is most important to them.

Chapter 8: The Learning Question – "What Was Most Useful to You?"

The seventh question is, “What was most useful to you?” This is called the Learning Question. This question helps the person remember what they learned from the conversation.

When we ask, “What was most useful to you?” we help the person see what they gained from talking to us. This question also helps us learn. We can see which parts of the conversation were helpful and which parts were not. It helps both of us learn and grow.

Using the Questions in Real Life

Now that we know the seven questions, we can start using them in real life. Bungay Stanier suggests using these questions in everyday conversations. For example, when a friend or coworker has a problem, try asking, “What’s on your mind?” or “What’s the real challenge for you?”

The more we practice these questions, the more natural they feel. With time, we will get better at listening and asking questions. This helps us become better coaches and better friends.

Building Better Habits

Bungay Stanier also talks about building better habits. He says that habits take time to form. To make coaching a habit, we should practice it every day. He suggests picking one question and using it every day for a week. For example, ask “What’s on your mind?” every day for one week. Then, add another question the next week.

When we build coaching habits, we become better listeners and problem solvers. This helps us connect with people and helps them grow.

Conclusion

"The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier is about becoming a better coach by asking the right questions. By using these seven questions, we help people think, solve problems, and grow on their own. The book teaches us to talk less and listen more. When we listen well and ask good questions, we help people find their own answers.

The seven questions—like “What’s on your mind?” and “How can I help?”—help us understand people better. These questions are useful in work, friendships, and family relationships. They remind us that coaching is not about giving answers but about helping people find their own solutions. By practicing these questions, we can become better coaches and make a positive difference in others’ lives.